This will be the last post on this site and it’s all about Dad’s funeral.  I want to thank everyone for attending and helping make it a beautiful service.  Buckie, thanks for speaking, and Suzie thanks for singing.  I have been asked to post the text of what I said and will do so below.

Thank you all for coming and I wanted to say a few words about this man, my Father, and what he meant to me.  Dad and I had a relationship most sons and fathers could only dream of having.  He not only was a father but we, in my opinion, really were each others best friends.  I listened to each and every single word of wisdom or advice Dad decided to give throughout my life.  In fact, towards the end I often joked that I could write his own autobiography even without any input from him.

To prove how much he meant I’ll share one simple example as all through my school years I had heard that Dad was some kind of Math-wiz from Mom and many others in the family. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I learn he was just an average student but the need for me to impress him led me to pay the utmost attention in all my math classes and thus get good grades in the subject.  There are many many more examples of me being who I am, for better or worse, solely because of trying to please the father I love.  I’ll bet there is no man out here today that wouldn’t love to hear his children say something similar to this.

Don’t get me wrong, we all do and Dad also had his faults.  But, I will argue that Dad’s faults were mainly due to too much of a good thing. Whether it be too much love or too much belief in what he thought to be right and wrong.  You would however have a hard time saying Dad did something against his those beliefs or damaged his integrity.

I recently found a poem of his in one of his briefcases of writings and even though it is only the first page of two and I couldn’t find the final page, organization wasn’t one of Dad’s strong points, I think it sums up his philosophy of life and who’s in charge up above.  I will share it with you now…..

“The Sparrow and The Rose”

If he sees every sparrow and touches each rose
If he colors the rainbow and loves us so
If he hears each raindrop that touches the ground
If he feels the wind as it slowly moves around

Then why, yes why all the sorrow
Yes, why the lack of love
Why the wish for tomorrow
Yes, why, …has he gone from above?

That is if he sees the sparrow and touches the rose

If he placed each star on velvet and painted a silver moon
If he covered the ground in carpet and formed a blue lagoon
If he made a cloud so gently, with a soft and tender touch
If he scented the flowers with lilac, and a pure golden dust

Then why, yes why the cripple and the lame
Yes, why the lack of love
Why the dread of tomorrow that came
Yes, why, …has he gone from above?

That is if he sees the sparrow and touches the rose

If he loves all the children and blesses the meek
If he cares for the elder and lives for all to seek
If he obeys each prayer and listens to all our cries
If he shares his love with all, our lows and our highs

Then why, yes why the wars and the strifes
Yes, why the lack of love
Why the hope for tomorrow and the struggle for life
Yes, why, …has he gone from above?

That is if he sees the sparrow and touches the rose

If he covers the winter as a snow white dove
If he coats the spring with many colors, and does so with love
If he warms the winter with friend and fellowship to see
If he softens the fall with amber, and does so for you and me

Then why, yes why all the sorrow
Yes, why the lack of love
Why the wish for tomorrow
Why, I’ll tell you why, because he IS still above

If each one would take time and just look around
If he wasn’t here and gone tomorrow, none of this could be found
If you as his child would listen and believe in his dream
If we would only think of others as he has of the sparrow he has seen

Love, that is the one word I could sum Dad’s entire life up with.  Even decades before I was born I know dad used love as his guiding principle in life.  He would often tell me the story of how after he was drafted into the army in basic training there were certain drills where the platoon were asked to yell “Kill, Kill, Kill” as they exercised or stabbed a dummy enemy in an effort to unify the group in opposition.  I’ll let you guess what dad always yelled in place of Kill, Kill, Kill…. Yep, it was Love, Love, Love, as in Love your enemy.  I even understand he was reprimanded for such behavior but that didn’t stop him from doing what he knew was right. Keep in mind all this was just in his early 20′s and well before I knew him.

Thank you Dad,… For not only showing me what was right and wrong, but for touching so many others and sharing all that love you had with them also.

Lastly, I am here today to ask each one of you to think about how you remember Dad.  Whether it was for his love, generosity, time, or humor, I ask you to cherish… nourish…. and practice who he was to your family and friends.  I can think of no better way to keep Dad with us than to take everything he stood for and multiply it between us all.  Go home and make your kids want to impress you, or go make your friends laugh, or go help those who don’t have the chance to have what you do.

I just have one more thing to say and it is directly from me to my Father…

Dad, I love you more!

Below is the slideshow I made for Dad’s visitation and funeral.  I tried to choose images the family had never seen or hadn’t seen for many years.

Dad lost his battle this past Saturday morning the 25th at 9:00 am.  The last few days were really tough as Dad’s brain and awareness of reality began to leave.  The saddest part was on Wednesday afternoon when Dad started his final slide backwards and he knew that he was not understanding and was confused and that was the first time I heard him say that he was scared.  He knew death was close.  The visions and confusion grew to such a level I had to keep him calm with his supplied medications for his own safety.

Starting about 5 pm or so Friday evening we noticed a new noise coming from Dad.  I thought it was just the cough he had developed from the last few days getting worse and causing congestion as he took each breath.  I even held Dad in a sitting position and pounded his back like a baby choking to try and get him to cough up all the fluids that were causing this horrible gurgling sound.  I was able to get most of what was causing the noise up but noticed Dad was not concious and his feet and hands were turning blue.  This didn’t stop me from trying to ease his breathing and I continued to hold him up and try and help.  It wasn’t until the hospice nurse arrived an hour later that I learned the noise was the death rattle and there was nothing I could do. We then made him as comfortable as we could and laid him back down to rest… but the horrible noise would keep with each breath.  This was my first time hearing this noise and I hope none of you ever have to experience it.

After hospice came and verified what was happening I took the night shift watching Dad as Mom tried to get some rest as she was tired from her week of radiation treatments.  I started his now hourly morphine and Ativan medication to reduce any discomfort he might have been feeling.  At around 6 am Saturday morning we traded and I tried to get some rest as the death rattle can continue for 24 to 48 hours and I knew I would need rest for the busy days to come.  I was awaken a few hours later by Mom saying she thought she just saw him take his last breath and for me to come check for vitals and verify.  I did and verified no breath and no pulse and gave him a final kiss on the forehead which was still plenty warm.  We called hospice to make the death official and to have the body removed.

I researched this death rattle as I was staying up with Dad and listening to each breath that cause it and I have even after the fact now and can take comfort in knowing the mechanism that causes it most likely means his brain was too far gone to be in any discomfort.  Because of this knowledge I now say I really lost my Dad sometime on the 24th and it was just his body that quit on the 25th.

It’s true!  Dad had another visit today with his primary doctor and didn’t get much good news.  His blood work and the x-ray done pre-visit show his calcium levels are elevated again from more bone cancer and the recent severe pains he’s had in his arm and chest are due to new or grown tumors.  Dr. Karp was clearly frustrated to see that Dad is still not near strong enough to handle chemotherapy. Remember Dad presented to M.D. Anderson with stage IV cancer and has had two life-threatening setbacks since then.  He agreed with me that local radiation treatments to the painful areas might be done (he will be getting with the radiation team on that) but informed us that will only be a game of whack-a-mole to control pain and not to treat the underlying problem of the agressive growth throughout his system which only chemo can handle.

Keep in mind that Mother had to sit and listen to the news today as she gets ready to start five weeks of radiation and light chemo Wednesday and then six weeks of full chemo after that.  Any prayers, thoughts or phone calls you could send her way will be greatly appreciated.

In the mean time we have an appointment at noon tomorrow to bring Dad’s calcium levels back down with an I.V. treatment and Dr. Karp is setting up hospice to start visiting Dad in this apartment in Houston to try and help with his pain and quality of life.

There is still some hope for recovery but Dad’s body seems to be fighting us all every step of the way.  I’ve told Dad all this and explained to him that if he regains his strength and enough health that he will be able to start treatments.  The doctor also explained to Dad that he has seen people in his shape turn around and improve enough to be helped so there is that hope.  Also on the positive side is that Dad seems to be holding his weight at around 170 – 173 pounds for the past month or so with the help of his tube feeding.

Keep those thoughts and prayers coming!

It’s been a while since my last post mostly because we’ve just been in a recovery period for the last couple weeks with Dad.  We’ve only had one scheduled appointment since the last update and that was this past Wednesday to follow-up on his lung stint.  They were happy with his lung sounds and his ability to stand and walk using a walker so that visit went well and he’s on track in that aspect.  I even try to make sure his wheelchair doesn’t get much use these days while he’s in the house going from room to room so he can build more strength walking.  He also found out that his tube feedings seem to be working as he gained a few pounds and he enjoyed hearing that.

We did however have a bit of a hiccup late last night as Dad’s constant nightly low-grade fever crept just over the 101 degree mark and I had to take him in the the closest ER as a precaution.  After 4 hours of X-Rays, CT Scans, blood and urine work they basically said they couldn’t find anything major and sent us home.   Special thanks to my Uncle Greg and Aunt Beverly for coming and sitting with Mom while I took Dad to the ER as she wasn’t feeling well.

We have also decided where Mom and Dad will have their treatments as we now are tenants at the Brompton Court apartments just a mile or two from the medical center in Houston. We have been on many waiting list to get reduced medical rate housing and Mother liked the sound of this offer even though it’s not all that reduced in my opinion but it does look nice.  It’s a one bedroom on the second floor with a balcony. We haven’t actually moved in or even seen the apartment in person, we will be doing all that this week, but it’s will be home for the next month or two nonetheless.

That should bring you all up to speed – stay tuned as I’ll start posting more again as appointments and such start ramping up again.

Dad did well in his surgery to install a PEG tube in his abdomen to supply tube feeding nutrition without the aggravation of the tube in the nose.  He’s tolerating the formula better and seems to be in better spirits having had more nutrition and energy.

Here you can see the actual internal portion of the PEG secured to the lining of Dad’s stomach. About 12″ of tube is all that shows externally in the center of his abdomen.

We just have a follow-up in the morning and hope to be headed back home tomorrow afternoon.  Will keep you all posted!

Today was one of those “one step back” days.  Dad failed every aspect of his swallowing test.  We viewed the x-ray video showing him aspirate on everything he drank even using all the techniques used to prevent it.  It is now all of certain that his recent pneumonia was caused by fluid from eating and drinking making it into his lungs.  This means he is no longer allowed to eat orally and will need a feeding tube reinserted for the next months.  We will be headed back tomorrow to either get a temporary nasal tube placed until Monday when he’s scheduled for a gastric tube to be surgically inserted  into his abdomen or just do the Monday procedure tomorrow.  Either way he sees this has a huge setback and needs any and all support from friends and family.  I’m just happy to know he’ll be getting the nutrition he needs for the fight ahead.

Dad has escaped the label of inpatient once again.  Here he is sitting on our hotel balcony enjoying the sweltering Houston summer.  We are thrilled to have him “home” and are looking forward to continued improvement.  He’s on a soft diet now and that will be re-evaluated tomorrow during a x-ray swallow test to make sure he’s getting the food and air down the correct pipes.

He’s also getting around a lot better than he was before possibly due to the back and hips having had time to heal from the radiation treatments.  It really is great to see him stand with very little problem and move around.

After another week or two the team will decide on a treatment plan, that now includes many more options than it did a week ago, and we’ll know where he’ll go from here.  For now however, we are just happy to have him back!

Here is Dad enjoying some iPhone games after a little physical therapy wore him out. It’s looking like he will even be discharged in the next couple days.
He is eating soft foods now so hopefully his feeding tube will be removed soon.

For all you iPhone owners out there, it’s the game “Angry Birds” he’s addicted to.

Dad made it through his little operation to open the obstructed airway.  They removed tumor and placed a splint to insure the airway stays open.  Stay tuned for more updates…

Dad’s team has decided that a laser bronchoscopy would be beneficial in increasing airflow to his left lung.  The plan is tomorrow that they will again go down his throat but this time with a laser attached to actually remove some tumor.

I have made a simple graphic to help illustrate the location and what the team will be removing tomorrow.  The doctors have said that the tumor does not seem to be particularly red or full of blood vessels so bleeding might not be a concern but caution that they don’t know exactly how deep the tumor continues down his the bronchial tube.  They will remove as much as possible and then decide if palliative radiation therapy can also help.

This is not Dad’s only tumor or what might even be called his main tumor, but it is the one causing the most trouble right now.